How to Cope When Everything Feels Too Much

Emotional overwhelm is a state where intense feelings become challenging to manage, consequently affecting one’s ability to think clearly. It can feel like drowning in feelings that are too big, too fast, too much, and too complex to process, like being caught up in a tsunami. Everyday tasks may suddenly seem impossible to manage, where your resources feel stretched thin, and minor stressors can trigger disproportionate reactions. 

Traumatic experiences and stressful life events coupled with the lack of coping mechanisms when the events occur could result in a state of emotional overwhelm. The loss of a job, a health or financial crisis, the loss of a loved one, a break up with a significant other could feel overwhelming especially in the face of lacking emotional support or coping skills. For many trauma survivors, this state of emotional overwhelm is not only familiar—it’s expected.

At the heart of emotional overwhelm lies the dysregulation of the nervous system. In response to overwhelming stress and/or trauma, the brain’s alarm system—the amygdala—becomes overactive. On the other hand, the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for reasoning and decision-making, shuts down temporarily as a protective mechanism. This imbalance makes it hard to think clearly once the nervous system is activated.

Trauma also changes how we process emotional stimuli. While triggers may not be consciously recognised, they can still produce intense emotional responses. A negative comment by a friend or boss, a sensory input, an interpersonal conflict, or even bodily sensations can quickly escalate into a sense of being flooded, as if the mind and body are being hijacked.

Compassionate awareness is vital. Judgemental comments/thoughts such as “I’m so weak for not being able to manage this” do not aid in calming the nervous system down. In fact, it may hinder the process of recovery. Emotional overwhelm is not a character flaw or a sign of weakness—it is a signal that the nervous system is overburdened and needs support. 

Understanding your potential triggers (i.e. disapproval, criticism, helplessness, rejection, etc) by examining past experiences would be helpful in preparing yourself to respond differently in future situations. Activities such as paced breathing, using your senses to anchor yourself in the moment (i.e. holding an ice cube, listening to a soothing song, feeling the ground beneath your feet, using sensory tools, or feeling the material of the clothes your are wearing, etc) can be tools you can utilise in the moments of overwhelm. Building emotional literacy and safety, and processing past trauma with a psychologist or counsellor can reduce the frequency and intensity of overwhelm.